As to your issues; this is a common concern/complaint with many parents when their PSA plays on a team which is dominated and coached by a high school. And, you are correct, you should not have to pay to empower the development of his high school program.
The good news is that college volleyball coaches are focused on the individual as they view club volleyball. We want talent; we evaluate individual skill sets and the team really does not matter.
Because of this individual focus, you should be reaching out directly to collegiate coaches; you have to create your own winning/successful situation. This is one area in which I know NCSA Athletic Recruiting could be a big help; their free site is amazing with searching out college programs and learning NCAA rules, while their premium service is the best in the business.
College coaches understand politics and the craziness of club volleyball. We know when a player is getting short changed on playing time or being played out of position.
1. Re-evaluate the current recruiting status and assemble a new college program outreach effort to achieve the opportunities that your PSA would be interested. Don't wait for the school she wants to attend to find her, work hard to put her into a position that this 'desired' school knows about her! The best way to do this is via video; if you know she won't get a bunch of playing time, use video to get the interest of the college coaches and then they can evaluate her in warm-ups and hitting lines.
2. Look at getting private lessons with a coach not affiliated with your club. This is a way for her to get extra touches on the ball, target areas she wants to improve upon, and maybe re-capture some confidence!
Good luck and remember that you have lots of time left on the recruiting clock; be patient and work your way thru the process.